


How did we get here?

by Seraph_Novak



Series: Destiel One-Shots [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coda, Episode: s12e01 Keep Calm and Carry On, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot, POV Mary Winchester, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 11:44:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8326642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seraph_Novak/pseuds/Seraph_Novak
Summary: But Dean trusts Castiel. That much is obvious. The raw emotion she saw in their hug earlier on is enough proof of that. She wants a glimpse of the man Dean's become, and a conversation between two old friends seems like the best place to look for something like that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My coda's a little late... But I've been busy. Sorry if this is too angsty/over the top, but I got carried away (like I always do). Anyway, please leave kudos/comments if you can! It means a lot to me. Thank you ♥

She closes the door with a soft click, making sure not to make too much of a noise on the metal platform outside her room. The night air is cool and soothing. Just what she needs. It feels so good to lean against the railing, tip her face up towards the moonlit sky, and allow her mind to drift for a while. Like the angel said to her earlier on, it's all very jarring, being back here. The world isn't quite how she remembered it, and neither is hunting. Back when she and her father went on hunts, they were usually home for dinner. She can't remember slumming it out in grotty motel rooms like Sam and Dean apparently do. Again, she feels a pang of guilt inside her chest. She knows dying wasn't exactly her choice, but she still can't help but feel somewhat responsible for the miserable lives her sons' have been forced to live. And of course, then there's John. But she can't bear to think about him right now, not when the pain of his death is still fresh in her heart.

Two doors down, she can hear the faint mumbling of voices. Dean wanted to buy a room for all three of them, but she insisted on getting a single for herself. It's just too hard to be around him so soon, especially with that angel friend of his always hanging around. There's something very unnerving about him. As far as she knew before, when she was alive, angel's didn't exist. They were just a myth. But now, she's road tripping across the country with one of them. Not to mention her four year old son, who is now a fully grown man.

"It's not your fault, Cas," She can hear Dean mumbling gruffly behind the door, "You saw the blades that bitch had on her. And the banishing sigil in the bunker? They're smart, man. They've done their research."

She knows it's rude to earwig, but she can't suppress her curiosity for much longer. This Castiel fella knows her sons better than she does, and that hurts. It really hurts. She wants a peek at something real, without Dean constantly trying to protect her fragile self from the harsh reality of this world. They've hardly spoken properly since she stabbed that woman on the road. Every time they get close to talking, it just feels awkward. She hates feeling so distant from her own flesh and blood, from the little boy she used to bake apple pies for and sing to sleep at night. But Dean trusts Castiel. That much is obvious. The raw emotion she saw in their hug earlier on is enough proof of that. She wants a glimpse of the man Dean's become, and a conversation between two old friends seems like the best place to look for something like that.   

"I let down my guard too early," Castiel sighs, the noise crackling through the paper thin walls.

"This ain't on you, buddy. The only ones to blame are the asshats who took him."

Mary smiles at that. Dean's blunt way of comforting Castiel reminds her of her father. It may come across as unfeeling, but she can sense the sincerity in his words. She hears the rustling of sheets, then feet moving towards the window. Luckily, she manages to flatten herself against the wall before Dean peers out through the curtains, scanning the parking lot with narrowed eyes and a tight frown.

"British Men of Letters, hey?" He says before disappearing back into the room, "Who'd a thought it?"

Castiel hums, "How long do you think they've been watching us?"

"Well, they knew about the bunker… Musta been pretty thorough. I mean, that place is completely off the radar."

"Perhaps they worked alongside the American Men of Letters at one point."

"Maybe," Dean sighs deeply and sits back on the bed. She can hear the cheap springs creaking beneath his weight as he lies down, "I dunno, Cas. I never thought we'd be huntin' humans, ya know?"

"They're the ones hunting _us_ , it seems."

Dean huffs a laugh, "Yeah, well... They picked the wrong family to mess with, didn't they? We've got a frickin' angel on our side."

"And they've got weapons they can use against me," Castiel mumbles, "Dean, I don't think I'll be of much use in finding Sam. I'm not as strong as I once was."

"It doesn't matter, Cas. We could use all the help we can get. Broken wings or not."

"But what if I screw things up again?"

She doesn't know what that means exactly, but there's a profound sadness to the angel's words. Dean doesn't respond for a while. There's the faint sound of their breathing, and then the bed creaks again as he gets up and walks across the room.

"You don't screw things up," Dean says softly, "You're a Winchester. Bad luck's just part of the package."

Mary can't help but smile in agreement. A hunter's life is a tricky one, full of tough decisions and difficult roads to take. You've got to mess things up a few times before getting it right. It saddens her that Dean has grown to accept this fate, but it's also kind of a relief. At least he's learnt how to deal with it. What's more interesting is the way he speaks to Castiel, like he's family. Well, apparently he is. And as much as that worries her, she's thankful that her son has at least found a friend in this lonely life of his. If he considers Castiel fit to be a Winchester, then maybe he's worth getting to know. She'll make the effort to know him. For Dean.

"Look, Cas," Dean pauses, takes a breath, "I'm sorry. For the way we left things, I mean. There's more to say. I know that, I just… I'm not good at this."

"You don't have to say anything, Dean. It's okay. I'm okay."

"But you're not, man."

Castiel sighs. She can hear him pushing off the wall, followed by the soft click of his shoes against the linoleum floor. These rooms are small, so she imagines they must be standing pretty close right now. They're probably staring at each other again. She's noticed they do that a lot, but she hasn't mentioned it.

"Lucifer didn't harm me, Dean."

"Yeah, you _say_ this, Cas. But you were gone for weeks. What the hell d'you _expect_ me to think?"

"I wouldn't lie to you."

Dean swallows thickly, loud enough for it to reach through the walls, "We still need to talk about it, Cas. About why you said yes to the frickin' devil."

"I was trying to stop Amara. You know that."

"Yeah. But at the cost of your _life_? Geez, man! We could've talked about it first!"

"You never would have agreed to it."

"Well, you're right there."

Castiel sighs again, then takes another step forward. She's half tempted to go back to her room, before she hears something she's not supposed to. This conversation is starting to get personal. She has no idea what the devil has to do with anything, but it makes her blood run cold to think that her sons have had a run in with Lucifer. This was never the kind of life they were supposed to have. They were _supposed_ to be happy. Normal. John was _supposed_ to be alive, and they were _supposed_ to have grandchildren by now. But maybe it's true what they say about the life. You can never really escape it. Not forever. She was selfish enough to fall in love and pass it onto her family. She should have known that Sam and Dean were cursed from the very beginning, having a hunter for a mother. John too. And now they're passing it onto their own loved ones. It's like an endless cycle of pain and regret. She can feel Dean's guilt radiating through the walls, can hear his sorrow in the way his voice shakes when he speaks. He and Castiel are closer than she thought, she suddenly realizes. There's years of history in this very conversation. They've been through things she can't even begin to imagine.

"I did it to protect you," Castiel whispers, "Amara was going to take you away. I couldn't lose you again."

"Oh, but it's okay for me to lose you?"

"You're far more important than I am, Dean. And you have Sam."

Dean scoffs, "Don't give me that crap again, man. So you've done some bad shit in the past. We all have! But you've changed, Cas. I mean, you've saved our asses more times than I can remember!"

"I'll never be able to make up for the things I've done to you, Dean. But I'll continue to try."

"Well, I'm lettin' you off the hook."

"It's not that simple."

"It could be," Dean says almost desperately. There's the sound of more footsteps, then the scratch of clothing sliding against each other. She can't see for herself, but they must be hugging again. That, or standing close enough for their bodies to touch. Either way, she feels like she's intruding on something, but she still can't seem to tear herself away. Castiel is obviously very important to Dean, and she's aching to know more about her boy. To understand him the way a mother should understand her son.

"Please, Dean. Don't do that…"

"Why not?"

Castiel shudders, "Because I don't deserve it."

Mary stands perfectly still, waits for Dean's response, but there's nothing but silence. She wonders if Dean has gone back to the bed for a moment, but then she hears the sound of feet stumbling backwards, followed by a gentle sigh and a shaky breath. It takes her a second to grasp what's going on, but then it clicks. She claps a hand over her mouth to muffle a gasp, then moves away from the door.

"You deserve so much more," Dean says, his words breathless, "I just… I dunno how to give it to you."

"You alone, Dean. That's enough for me."

"Bullshit."

"Believe what you want," Castiel murmurs softly, "But you're the one who deserves better. You deserve to have a normal life. To be with Lisa and Ben… To just be happy."

Dean swallows again. Mary can imagine him avoiding Castiel's eyes, too scared to say what he really feels. She may not know her son as well as she'd like to, but she understands the emotional constipation that runs in the Campbell family. John was always so loving and open with her, but apparently Dean caught the bad genes in that particular department. She doesn't know the full story - doesn't know who this Lisa and Ben are - but she can't deny the striking bond Dean shares with Castiel. Just listening to them talk through the walls of a cruddy motel room is enough to make her realise that. And if all he needs to make him happy is a broken angel in a trenchcoat, then so be it. Finding love in this kind of life is rare. She knows that better than anyone.

"You know I don't need the white picket fence," Dean chuckles, "I'm a simple guy, Cas. I can live off cheap beer and ready meals for the rest of my days. But I need you by my side, man. You and Sammy... _And_ mom."

Something warm and fuzzy unfurls in her chest at those words. Dean called her his mom, said that he needed her around. In this very moment, she feels hopeful. Maybe she has a chance to reconcile with her sons and start a new life. John may be gone, and the world may have changed a great deal while she's been away, but not many people get a second chance like this. She can be with her boys. She can be a mother to them. It doesn't matter that her babies are now grown men. They're still hers, and hell if she's gonna let anything happen to them ever again. And if Castiel really means that much to Dean, then she'll make the effort. Even if every hunter-born instinct in her body is warning her against teaming up with a walking, talking celestial weapon. Castiel, with his battered, blood-soaked coat and weary expression, is a far stretch from what she thought angels would be like, but maybe that's a good thing. She hardly knows him, but he seems decent enough. A gentle soul who can swing a good punch. But most importantly, he cares about Sam and Dean. It's incredible to think that angels are freely walking the earth all together, but knowing that Castiel has chosen to stick around in order to protect her boys - out of loyalty or love, she's doesn't care - is the real miracle. She ought to hug him silly, but overstepping her boundaries too soon probably isn't the best idea.   

"I'll always stay with you, Dean," The sincerity of those words almost makes her teary-eyed, "But, please… Don't feel obligated to… to make this something more than it has to be."

Dean sniffs a little, then huffs a watery laugh, "It's not an obligation, Cas. I want to do this."

"But I -"

"You're a piece of shit, I get it. Kinda makes us the perfect match, don't ya think?"

Mary smiles against the palm still pressed over her mouth. She can practically feel the smug little grin on Dean's face, and it makes the warmth in her chest expand and expand, until it overflows and spreads through her entire body. She feels giddy with happiness. Her heart is on fire. The life she's suddenly been tossed back into may seem fairly crappy at first glance; John is dead, Sam is missing, her sons are hunters… But buried deep beneath the panic and the guilt and the misery, she can see a beacon of light. If they can rescue Sam before the unthinkable happens, then maybe they have a shot at normalcy. They can live in that fancy bunker of theirs, or even get a house one day. She'll get to know her boys. They won't be strangers for long, she'll make sure of that. And Dean and Castiel can be together. Happy. Everything will slot into place.  

"I love you, Dean."

There's a pause, the shuffling of feet, and then a tiny sigh of relief before they lean into each other once again. It doesn't take a pair of eyes to figure out what they're doing, and surprisingly, it doesn't bother her. She thought it might be awkward or strange, but it kinda feels like she's known them both forever. Maybe Castiel can be one of her boys as well. If he'd like that, of course.

"Uh, yeah. Same, by the way. I mean, ya know," Dean clears his throat, "I feel the same."

And with that, it's time to go. Her motherly meddling session is over for the night. She still doesn't know much about Dean, or the things he refuses to tell her, but at least she knows he's safe. He's not alone. And now that she's had a glimpse of the life they could all have together, she's even more determined to hunt down those British bitches and get her son back. She didn't get dragged out of heaven and dumped back into this miserable place just to watch everyone she cares about disappear yet again. No matter how much time it takes, no matter how much blood needs to be spilt, she's going to make this work. And if anyone tries to stop her, then God help them, because no one touches her family.


End file.
